TREAT YO SELF
Treat yo self. One of the best ways to give yourself validation is to do things for YOU! Just cuz. Even little things can help you boost your self-esteem and overall mood. And once you validate yourself, you are more freely able to give to others. You must be content with yourself first before you are truly able to authentically and whole heartedly love others without hidden motives or agendas. I came up with a list of some free ideas you could do. I know life gets busy, but I challenge y’all to at least do one this week!
-For my readers: head to the library and bring or pick out a good book, sit down and relax
-Make your favorite treat or meal
-Go for a walk outside
-Watch your favorite show
-Give yourself five minutes of doing nothing but breathing
-Learn about something you’ve always been interested in
-Take a nap…this one goes out to all my college students 😉 take even 20 min to rest from the day
-Try out a new sport
-Give yourself a foot massage
-Study one of your favorite religion topics or books
-Set new goals for yourself this month
-Go to bed early. Like earlier than 12pm early.
Go ahead….treat yo self. You deserve it.
Becoming Content with Oneself
It is often we as humans find ourselves in the cycle of codependency. Whether this pertains to friends, family or boyfriends/girlfriends – we can find ourselves becoming almost addicted to being with or talking to this person to the point that it is hard for us to be content with being alone. The truth is however, dependency is not always bad, in fact you can have a very healthy dependency. This type of healthy dependency is called an interdependency. In order to have this type of relationship, it is crucial you take care and love yourself first and then bring that connection to the relationship and vice versa. This creates a safe and trusting relationship.
However, when you don’t care for and love yourself, you become dependent on others for things they can never give to you – a sense of acceptance, worth, confidence and purpose. Just as stated before, as no one can breathe or eat for you – the same principle applies to loving oneself. No one can ever “make you” be enough, worthy, valued or beautiful. You are ultimately responsible for everything going on within you. This requires self-care which is both a liberating and terrifying principle that requires being personally responsible and honest consistently with oneself.
It is easy to let distortion creep in and have distorted thoughts and false beliefs from the adversary linger in your mind. However, the truth is, it doesn’t matter what you have done or where you have been – your worth is infinite and will always stay the same no matter what. The whole concept of self-care is treating yourself the way you would if you truly believed you had infinite worth.
In many cases people tend to distract themselves from these false beliefs and lies the adversary tells them by falling into the trap of distractions which can then lead into addictions. Technically, we can be addicted and therefore codependent to many things including working out, watching television, or even activities that are generally healthy for us. However, consuming all you do on one thing is never healthy no matter what it may be. Instead it is crucial to maintain a balanced life. It is important to remember that you can show characteristics of addictive behavior and not necessarily be addicted to that person or thing. However, if this becomes a pattern you will soon find yourself in an addiction most likely being performed to distract you from the distortions you are feeding your mind.
You may find you are even co-dependent on receiving validation from people. It’s almost like a drug you are craving. This is a sign that you are not giving yourself the proper validation you need. Because validation is necessary, it’s important to be able to give ourselves this validation and not fully rely on others for it. This way you are capable and in control of your own life rather than desperately seeking any source of validation you can receive. Once you are able to do this, you will notice yourself starting to validate those around you more. You are no longer trying to seek out that validation because you already have it; rather you have a clear mind and an ability to focus on the needs of others.
Okay so how do I give myself this validation?
Remaining emotionally honest with yourself and listening to what your soul and body need and then making a plan in which you can control (not controlled by others) in which you can obtain these things. Listening to yourself and how you are feeling will lead you to really become deep within yourself and figure out what is driving your decisions in your everyday life.
Self-Care is about reversing habits of self-neglect, control, and distraction. It is developing the habits you would if you truly believed in your intrinsic worth. It is also recognizing and breaking habits that distract you from feeling, understanding and accepting/surrendering uncomfortable emotions. When you practice self-care you are humble and teachable and are taking responsibility for self, being emotionally honest and transparent, being conscious of what is motivating you, and challenging distorted thoughts and beliefs by reframing them into the truth.
Being conscious of the “why’s” (why you do things) will give you awareness of your motives (why and what is supporting you to choose the things you do?). Awareness of – and being responsible for – your motives will support you to be emotionally honest and personally responsible for any of lives choices you make and the outcomes those choices create.
Ask yourself…. are you being motivated by self-neglect (distorted thoughts & false beliefs) or self-care (self-love, reality & truth)?
Self-care is motivated by: Emotional honesty, consciousness of your motives, humbly following through with commitments to self and others, acknowledging and being honest about your vulnerability, validating yourself and others, and being willing to be responsible for the outcome of your choices. Self-care is connection.
Self-neglect is motivated by: Unwillingness to be emotionally honest and personally responsible, excusing or denying commitments made, lack of awareness of oneself, taking things “personal,” and the lack of self-validation. Self-neglect reinforces false beliefs and distorted thoughts.
Your Personal Self Care Plan:
Emotionally: How do I want to care for my own needs and desires?
Mental: How do I want to develop my mind in order to think more in the truth?
Spiritual: How can I connect with the Lord?
Physical: How do I plan to care for my body?
Social: How do I want to connect with others?
A Human Need
Validation is a human necessity in life in order to survive. All of us need it just as much as we need air to breath. We can seek this validation from friends, family and even acquaintances; however, you should not rely on these sources to tell you that you are good enough. Rather, it is crucial you take the time each day to give yourself validation. Why? Because at the end of the day YOU are the one responsible for loving yourself – no one else. While others can help uplift you, they can’t get inside your body and love yourself for you. Just as they can’t eat, drink or exercise for you – the same stands true with self-love.
When you feel validated, you are able to give more freely to others and in return validate those around you. Some may say “I feel uncomfortable when I give or others give compliments to me.” This is a sign of containing distorted thoughts and beliefs about yourself. This is common for a lot of people and if this is you, don’t stress just try practicing getting more comfortable believing the qualities you say or others say about yourself to be true.
When you are able to feel validated you will begin to not take certain circumstances so personally. I know I have struggled with this as I tend to take situations different than they really are because I am stuck in my pride. I can take things personal when they actually have nothing to do with me at all. The only way to get out of this pride cycle, is by stating in the truth. The main source of truth comes from validation affirmations. For example, suppose someone tells you that you have no future and it’s a shame you’re so old and not married; first off, it’s hard to see in the moment but anyone who says that is in complete shame of themselves and bouncing it onto you. It is important to stay in the truth and validate yourself, even if this means repeating in your head “I am a daughter of God and have infinite worth” 100 times, seriously! It takes a ton of practice and you will most likely feel like you’re going in and out of truth for a while, but I promise if you keep working at it it will soon feel like second nature.
I challenge you to write a list of things you love (or hope to) love about yourself by the end of the day. I find it helpful to write it on your phone or take a picture of it so you can refer back to it throughout the day. When you find yourself struggling or taking something personal or even if you need a little pick me up because hey we all need validation – read this list and BELIEVE it! Every son and daughter of God came to this earth with infinite worth. Just because you have made mistakes or messed up does NOT take away your infinite worth. Your worth is steady and does not change no matter what you do. Sorry, you’re stuck with being amazing! 😉 YOU are enough in all that you do and I can tell you that but it’s up to you whether you believe it for yourself! So work each day to install this principle of self-validation and I promise you it will become immensely worth it as you become the BEST version of YOU!